Waves of grief

Funny how grief works.  Similar to buses, but twice as crushing.  I just keep getting hit by waves and waves of it.  You never realise how much you love someone until they're gone.  And now I just miss Uncle more than ever.  He was like a father to me - hence why he gave me away on my wedding day.  And I'm so grateful he managed both that and to attend my graduation.  I miss him horribly - I haven't felt this much pain and sorrow since my Mum died.  And this bereavement is making me miss her, too, since she is the one who would normally have comforted me when I'm feeling this bad.  Poor Immy doesn't know what to make of me because I keep bursting into tears.  Overwhelmingly, he's also left us all a great deal of money.  It will help with the mortgage and whathaveyou, but every penny of it seems hollow because he's no longer here to see the benefits it's giving us and especially Immy.  I would rather not have the money and have him instead.  It's just such a shame that I wasn't able to visit him owing to late pregnancy and then feeding issues.  While perhaps I could have asked Marc to take a day off or tried to go at a weekend, I know he wouldn't have registered who we were and that might have been even more painful.  This is all so hard to process.  And, like a child, I keep wishing him back here because he was so dear to me.  I hope this all eases soon, I'm finding it very hard to deal with.  Particularly since I'm on my own for such long periods of time at the moment.